She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
