Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
