i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
