Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
cat food counts as protein by the way
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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