Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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