you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
