Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
