UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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