Welp...herpes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
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i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize