i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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