I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
