you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
