Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well you can't waste a boner
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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