Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
