i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had sex on a roof
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
