I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i think i just lost a toe
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
