i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
