I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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