Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize