and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
