Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
