i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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