Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
