I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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