Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
