i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You are a genius and a whore.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
