I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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