My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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