threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
