i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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