non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
