he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
