remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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