She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
