hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wear drunk well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
