Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
