Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You ruined the universe
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
