hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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