my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize