the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
