ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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