Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Small penises have feelings too.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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