so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
