2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
