I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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