I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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