And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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