I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
