You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
