Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
