my shit smells like andre
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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