If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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