u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
