my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
