I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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