So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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