If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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