no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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