Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
