when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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