he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
