every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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