if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize