Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
