i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
